so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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