Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
