So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
