I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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