On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
