whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
