Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
