please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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