Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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