I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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