This girl is more easily done than said...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
