I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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