You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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