i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
