I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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