sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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