laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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