so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
