I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I love having hate sex.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
