So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
