Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
