i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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