So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
