Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
