i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
