...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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