I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
