And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My penis needs a shock collar
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
