He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
