I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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