I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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