I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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