Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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