Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
