You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Congratulations! We have a period
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