my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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