Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
