College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
