my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
