: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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