You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
