Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
