Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
