I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
