Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
