Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
