they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
