if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
