She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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