Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
