Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I love you. Go after that dick
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
