It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
