If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
