Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just threw up on my dentist
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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