I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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