During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
