Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
